Hesitancy

Hesitance is a funny thing. It can be good and often keeps me from saying or doing something I might later regret. On the other hand, hesitancy also seems to be the initial thing that can (often, I hate to admit) throw me into long bouts of procrastination.

I am thinking about this today as I see that I have not posted to this blog for over a month. You wanna know why? Because I really felt like the next post needed to be a picture memorial for Bohdi. Buuutt, since he was a puppy prior to digital everything, rounding up photos, scanning, editing, and posting felt like a big job. I hesitated. When I should have just spent an hour gathering and scanning I became frozen with the weight of the job and that hesitancy grew into one more thing in the back of my mind that I "really need to get too soon." Now I am feeling like I am fully procrastinating this "job" and it is holding me down, sitting on my shoulders like a 100 pound weight.

The irony of all of this is that no one, except me, even knows about the failure to blog a memorial. This example is small, inconsequential. However, I do this about all kinds of things, some much more important than a few pictures on a personal blog. As I sat pondering this I realized that at the base of hesitancy is fear. Fear of failing, running out of time, disappointing or hurting someone else. Fear of success or judgement from others. So, I am led to the notion that instead of praying for more time, resources, intelligence, protection from judgement,.... what I most need is freedom from fear. The great thing about this realization is that I know where I can get that, or actually from whom I can get that. Jesus is definitely not about fear or having us live in or hold onto fear. So, the next time I sense that I am hesitating, contemplating procrastinating - I am going to try to remember to pray for freedom from fear so that I can MOVE instead.

I am also going to choose to release myself from the weight of a blog post.....

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17